7-Eleven cocktail challenge

These drinks made from crap we bought at 7-Eleven are surprisingly good

Sometimes, you just need to get your 7-Eleven drunk on. Maybe you've got an hour before you're due to head out and you need a cheap buzz. Maybe you're just cheap. We won't judge.

What we will do, is give you our tried-and-tested recipes to brew up some potent potions designed to get you nicely intoxicated with as little effort and expense as possible. Trust us – we've been there.

Pasty Russian

Pasty russian 1

You'll need A rocks glass, a shot glass, ice, vodka, brandy, one of those pre-mixed latte coffee drinks.

How to bodge it
1. Chuck your glass in the freezer for a bit while you shower or glue your eyelids together while trying to put false eyelashes on.
2. Fill your glass with ice.
3. Pour two shot glasses of vodka over the ice. Resist the opportunity to chuck the shot glass at the wall like Doctor Zhivago.
4. Pour in one shot glass of brandy, then stir the spirits together with whatever you have to hand. Use your finger if you must, this is no place for pretension.
5. Fill the glass up with your pre-mixed coffee drink and stir the whole lot together.
6. Ваше здоровье! Cheers!

Top tip If you have an obscenely sweet tooth, use a premixed mocha drink to make what we like to call a Fat Pasty Russian. It's gleefully unsophisticated, but then if you're making this drink, so are you.

Crap Colada


You'll need Some kind of flask with a sealable lid (or a cocktail shaker if you're fancy), a big wine glass or one of the banging mugs they sell at Tiki Bungalow, a shot glass, ice, Barcardi rum, pineapple juice, a can of coconut milk drink.

How to bodge it
1. Crush your ice by pummelling it with something hard. We suggest a rolling pin, your dignity or a boot.
2. Throw crushed ice into your flask and add three shot glasses full of Barcardi.
3. Add one shot glass full of coconut milk drink and three of pineapple juice to your flask/shaker.
4. Vigorously shake the flask or shaker for about 20 seconds – make sure you've got the lid on tight, otherwise you'll have a sticky fruity mess all over the kitchen.
5. Pour your cocktail into your glass, ice and all, and enjoy.

Top tip For an appropriately beachy atmosphere, drink your Crap Colada to the kind of terrible-but-endearing pop choons you'd end up slurring along to on holiday. We recommend Shakira or the Vengaboys.

Baijiu Blast

Baijiu blast

You'll need A rocks glass, a shot glass, ice, baiiju, grapefruit juice, sugar

How to bodge it
1. Whack your glass in the freezer in advance, then, when you're ready to play mixologist, fill it full of ice.
2. Pour in two shot glasses of baiiju (three, if you've got more bravado than sense) and add two teaspoons of sugar. Stir to dissolve.
3. Top up the glass with grapefruit juice and then stir to mix it all together. Have a taste – if it's still too bitter, throw caution to the wind and add another half teaspoon full of sugar.
4. Drink and regret what life decisions led you to this point.

Top tip Substitute the sugar for a slightly smaller amount of honey for a more rounded bevvy.

Sorority Girl

Sorority girl

You'll need A reasonably large glass of some description, a shot glass, ice, vodka, Skittles (lots and lots of the fruity little swines), Lipton teabags, grapefruit juice.

How to bodge it
1. In order to get both drunk and hyper off e-numbers at the same time, you'll need to do a bit of legwork in advance. First, make some Skittles vodka using whatever half-assed instructions you found on the internet, preferably a day or so in advance.
2. Also in advance, make a jug of black tea (using teabags, natch – if you can't make tea, we give up on you) and whack it in the fridge to cool. Don't put any sugar in the tea unless you want your tooth enamel to erode with every sip.
3. When it's time to drink your drank, fill your large-ish glass with ice and pour two or three shot glasses of Skittles vodka into it.
4. Add one shot glass full of grapefruit juice to cut through the sugar rush of the vodka. Just 'cos you're trying to get pissed on sweeties doesn't mean you have to revert to your childhood palate.
5. Top with iced tea, stir and throw it back. You've earned it.

Top tip This nightmare fuel is great for large groups – just make a really big jug of tea and chuck your concoction in a saucepan or mixing bowl to share.

Fizzy Screwdriver

Fixzzy scredriver

You'll need A reasonably large glass of some description, a shot glass, ice, vodka, orange Fanta or Arctic Ocean, orange juice.

How to bodge it
1. Glass. Ice. Three shot glasses of vodka. Half orange juice. Half orange fizzy drink. Stir. Imbibe. Simple!

Top tip Fizzy Screwdrivers are actually boss, so make this if you have a modicum of common sense.

Frisky Sour

Frisky sour

You'll need Some kind of flask with a sealable lid or a cocktail shaker, a knife, a rocks glass, a shot glass, ice, some kind of bourbon (most convenience stores stock Jim Beam or Jack Daniels), a lemon or two, sugar, an egg if you're the sort to mix drinks with raw eggs

How to bodge it
1. As seems to be standard for these bodge jobs, put your rocks glass in the freezer in advance. When it's been in there a while, take it out and add ice.
2. Throw some more ice into your flask or shaker, then add three shot glasses of whiskey, two shot glasses of squeezed lemon juice, some egg white and a teaspoon and a half of sugar.
3. Shake like a maniac (lid on, party on) for about 20 seconds, then carefully pour it into your prepared glass, using the knife as a strainer to keep the nasty smashed ice chunks out.
4. Drink! Pretend you're in Mad Men and look like Christina Hendricks/Jon Hamm (delete as appropriate).

Top tip Don't befriend the egg if you're susceptible to food poisoning.

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