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The tackiest Halloween costumes on Taobao

Just because you can wear 'em, doesn't mean you should

It's Halloween, the one time of the year where we abandon all thoughts of what's appropriate and celebrate all that's scary, sinister and just plain ridiculous.

Despite quite a few of these numbers committing crimes against all that's decent and tasteful, a bunch of these are also a bit of a laugh. And if you can't look like a total knob during Halloween (see the end of this list), then when can you?

'Halloween' Mary Jesus Costumes


mary jesus

Christmas and Halloween collide in these festively confused get-ups. If you're used to people seeing you and shouting 'JESUS CHRIST', then hey, feel free to go with it. 10-79RMB


Alternatively, if you're into the religious theme but want to spice up the appropriate level, check out this sexy 'Virgin Mary' outfit. 240RMB


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Pumpkin


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Let's head to the produce section and check out this pumpkin number. Who said big, round, orange fruit couldn't be sexy? Most people, probably, but seeing as Halloween is occasionally synonymous with 'make anything sexy', we guess we're going with it. 233RMB


I'm a bat, man


"batman"


If in some alternate universe Bruce Wayne lost his parents' fortune and wandered into a furry party, then this is the costume we imagine the caped crusader would come up with. You're unlikely to be mistaken for a billionaire player-turned vigilante, but at least your head will be warm. 160-238RMB


The Doge


"doge"


The quintessential Halloween costume for millennials, this costume's for anyone who's ever had the dream of being a walking meme. This one's actually from Tmall, but look how versatile it is! Wear it under a tree, wear it on a bike, wear it for the laziest bank robbery ever. So amaze. Very doge. Much scare. Wow. 60RMB


'Custom' ninja costume

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Apparently a unisex costume, this purple ninja costume will be great for anyone wanting to blend into a Beijing crowd, with a handy built-in face mask for polluted days. Ninja's wear bright colours, right? 350RMB


Inflatable princess costume


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Be the princess you always wanted to be, be a comforting balloon. Take up space at any party with this beautiful number and make sure everyone knows how pretty in pink you are. 200RMB


Inflatable chicken costume

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While we're on the subject of inflatable things, check out this hot chicken. Possibly coming out of an egg, possibly returning to the hell from whence it came, this costume also features completely unnecessary yellow flaps for your feet. 290RMB


Qing Imperial Minister ghost


"qing"


Pretend to be an ancient imperial minister risen from the grave after President Xi's remarks at the National Party Congress (we really, really recommend you don't actually). While the costume's actual delivery is certainly lacking a bit, we're giving them bonus points for sheer creativity. 65-120RMB


A Dad-bod tummy addition

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Show off a beautiful bod (especially if you don't have one) with this fantastic addition to any costume. For even more class this Halloween, make sure to store snacks and beer in your tacky tum. 137RMB


An actual phallus

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Forget subtlety, here's a costume that will leave no one questioning. It comes in different colours as well including pink, brown and 'skin', because, diversity. 330RMB


There are hundreds more on Taobao, so get hunting!

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