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The weirdest and wildest pool floats on Taobao you need this summer

Capture the attention of your fellow sunseekers with these babies

Photo: taobao.com
We have taken upon ourselves to help you with selecting the wackiest pool inflatables on Taobao for this summer. While we can’t say if its colours will match well with your pasty pale skin and winter flab, we are quite certain you’ll draw some attention floating atop one of these babies.

Angel wings

"ZZ Angel wings"
Photo: Taobao.com

If no one has ever thought you angelic, change their minds with this giant inflatable angel wings from 110RMB. It’s broad enough that you can fall asleep on it. Just don’t fall off it, Lucifer…

Avocado

"Avocado"
Photo: Taobao.com

It’s a known fact that avocado helps with sunburn. Well, this avocado float (from 69RMB) can help too. Simply swim up from underneath the float and insert your head to replace the dislodgeable pitt. Just be sure there are friends nearby who could help in case you get stuck.

Diamond Ring

"Diamond ring"
Photo: Taobao.com

Bring the bling to the pool with this massive diamond ring float (58RMB). This accessory of the season looks bulky and difficult to cling to in the water but who cares? The discomfort is temporary, while diamonds are forever.

Pizza

"Pizza"
Photo: Taobao.com

Everyone know pizza brings people together. But not like this amazing pizza slice float. Sold individually from 78RMB, you need simply buy eight of these bad boys to complete a majestic pie. Now all you need for the perfect summer is to make seven other friends.

Poop

"Poop"
Photo: Taobao.com

We've all seen those 'comedy' movies where the kid or drunk adult drops a turd in the pool and panic ensues; now, you can recreate this exact scenario for yourself without even having to risk getting a dose of dead-skin-cell-filled water up the anus! Just don't look this mega-poop (from 66RMB) straight in the eye – they definitely know something we don't (hence the smirk).

Clam

"Clam"
Photo: Taobao.com

Live out your Little Mermaid fantasies with this multi-chambered seashell; it goes for 169RMB. To make you feel even more like an underwater princess, it also comes with a 'pearl' that doubles as a beach ball.

Unicorn

"TB21Da5iuOSBuNjy0FdXXbDnVXa_!!3390405204"
Photo: Tmall.com

We’re sure Instagram surely has some revenue sharing for this float's design, given how ubiquitous it is on every influencers’ feed. This rainbow unicorn is kitschy but just straddle it and you suddenly feel like posing for an imaginary selfie. It doesn't s**t sparkles or gore your enemies, but you can pick a big one up from 86RMB.

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